MY JOURNEY TO FINDING PURPOSE, LOSING IT & COMING INTO MY OWN AGAIN
This post goes out to all my fellow creative souls who have ever found themselves in a position of giving all their creativity and self to someone else out of necessity or maybe accidentally. What we do has no direct path, no guidelines and is often so isolating and reliant on ourselves. However, the position we are in to CREATE can be so greatly rewarding, IF we remember to take care of ourselves and create for our original joy of it. X AM
LET’S QUICK START AT THE BEGINNING…
In March 2019 I went full-time freelance and by early 2020 I had a decent client list I was pretty proud of and I was finding my way in this silly online world. By 2021 it was off to the races — I had an insane amount of work, amazing clients, an online coaching program up and running and I worked the hardest I ever had. It was all fun and rewarding, I was finding my voice and my owning my expertise, my purpose online felt clear and powerful.
What I didn’t do from 2021-2022 was scale accordingly to protect my peace and creativity. When you work for yourself, and especially as a team of one, your time is split between client time and business development. In the early days sure this was split 50/50, but as time went on it become more like 90/10 with all my focus, mental energy and ideas going to clients.
I never left time for myself let alone the little passion projects I had that fueled this creative energy in me, such as writing. Even as I sit here now and write this post, I haven’t done this in over two years.
By end of 2022 I was at extreme burnout, I was at the lowest of my lows after having the highest of high revenue year of my life. I ended that year feeling so lost with direction and without a purpose. As I entered the new year, it was my wedding year, and I was supposed to be the happiest I have ever been, but I still felt like a part of me was empty because what I do for work is so ingrained to who I am as a person.
I distinctly remember journaling about my intention for that next year — to rebuild my purpose. I poured myself into wedding planning, I retreated into myself (a habit that I’ve had since I was little and would go find solace playing alone in my room, making crafts, mood boards and daydreaming) I didn’t seek out new partnerships, signed only a handful of new clients, sought out no new friendships and just sat in my own company. I simply didn’t care at all anymore, I had lost my purpose versus found it again.
I was chronically online (aren’t we all) consuming too much content (if I’m being frank), and it seemed to just add fuel to the fire. I was in a state of comparison feeling like I was failing and that I was stalling out. My mind ran wild at night with all the questions: what’s even the point? What am I selling? Why am I doing this? Does anyone even care?!
As the year went on I was growing an underlying distaste for consumerism — ironic since I work mostly with e-commerce brands I know. Which really started to infect my thoughts on what my purpose was and why I cared to do this work. It felt that these apps and everyone had something to say, sell, and if I saw one more “Shopbop favorites” or “updated my ShopMy" instagram story I was going to snap my phone.
In my opinion, everyone was just copying each other making a never ending cycle of purposeless content — there I said it! Online seemed to lack intentionality and curation, my two beacons in all I do. Don’t worry this story comes back around to a positive note, we’re just at the low point.
THEN, SLOWLY AFTER TIME…
As I poured my truest self into planning my wedding, stripping away traditions, purposely cutting out the trends, spending time dissecting my style and asking the hard hitting questions about “who am I?” I started to find my groove again. Not only that, I started to see hints of what the next chapter and purpose of DIGITAL BRAND STYLIST should be.
As 2023 ended I had a newfound outlook and mindset. That there is a space out there for me and I do want to show up there. I want to bring this brand back to my original online roots — focusing on intentional observations, purposeful consumption and finding beauty in our everyday. For the first time in a long time, I’m finding my purpose again and coming into my own.
My goal at DBS is to help anyone who comes here to find themselves, find their true style, find their voice, and find their way in the digital world we’ve created. I encourage you to find a way to stand out from the rest, to be yourself and not do whatever everyone else is doing. I’ve restructured my service offerings to reflect this goal and I’m genuinely filled with peace that I am aligning this business with what I want to make in this life.
I officially welcome you to the new DBS, that I hope becomes a place of inspiration and joy for you.
x AM
